Posted in advice, Family, women

Embracing The Chaos

Over the past several months, I’ve been mentally preparing for having two children.  I’ve seen the havoc that has descended upon a few of my friends’ households as they’ve welcomed a second child into their lives.  Those first few months are crazy-town! 


This is especially true when the existing child is still a toddler and still needs so much from their parents.  Newborn Land has it’s own sleep-deprived kind of crazy. Adding to that a toddler adjusting to HUGE changes and likely getting thrown off of their routine helps to propel the whole situation into straight up chaos.  Do you know what’s difficult for perfectionist-type personalities such as mine?  Chaos.

So, I’ve been in total preparation mode the last few days as the reality that my baby girl will be here within a few short weeks has been setting in.  Action alleviates anxiety right?  So, I’ve been getting all of her clothes washed and put away.  I’ve prepared the changing table and bassinet.  I’m constantly imagining every “what if” scenario my brain can muster – which is way too many, and part of why I’ve been up since 3:30 this morning. I’m trying to get everything in my home as prepared and “easy to access” as possible.  As I’ve been busying myself with these things, it’s occurred to me that maybe I’m overthinking all of this.  Many people have survived having two children, or more under age 3.  It’s going to be OK.

I will continue prepping my home and brain for the arrival of our second child.  However, I’m also learning to embrace the chaos in various situations.  Through working on my perfectionistic self and tendencies, I’ve learned that you can’t control everything and it’s exhausting to feel like you should.  So, I keep reminding myself to give myself space and grace to get through the things.  I know that this next season will be difficult, but it will also be magical.  My house will be a mess much of the time and my toddler is probably going to have some issues adjusting.  But, if I get all caught up in my need to control instead of just embracing what is, I’m going to miss all of the little magical moments that will also happen during this time.  I can get over not having a 100% clean home.  I can’t get over missing out on important moments, milestones, and the beauty of watching my children grow.

As I move through this time of embracing the chaos, I will remind myself of these three things:

1. I am strong, adaptable, and resilient

I have been through chaotic times before and made it through just fine.  I am actually quite good at adapting to a new situation and finding ways to make whatever kind of situation I end up in comfortable.  So, I know I can do hard things and make it through to the other side.  Everything is able to be figured out.  Every situation can be navigated.  If people can survive huge life traumas, I can survive this transition time in our lives.

2. Keep moving forward

As I’m navigating figuring out the new dynamics of my family life, I will remember to keep moving forward.

3. Be grateful

I will choose to see the blessings I have. I will take notice of the little things that I’m most grateful for beyond the obvious (like coffee!). I am blessed to have the family, health, love, support and comfort I have.

Bring it on chaos! I’m ready for you.

Posted in advice, Family, Goals, Leadership

The Power of Personal Development

When I learned I was becoming a mom for the first time, I was fully prepared to lose myself to motherhood.  Motherhood was something I always aspired to.  That was a major life goal of mine.  I was under the assumption that my full identity would be wrapped up in who I was as a parent.  I would put all my dreams and goals on hold until my children were old enough to start being self-sufficient and then I’d figure out who I was as a person.  As time went on, I was feeling stuck.  I loved being a mother and wouldn’t trade it for anything.  However, I wasn’t as fulfilled as I thought I would be.  I went complete 50’s housewife there for a moment and boy am I glad we live in a day and age where that’s optional and not necessarily expected.  I was still working part-time from home but felt I needed to handle all of the things because my husband obviously wasn’t capable.  [Insert facepalm] It’s crazy what kinds of stories we make up about our situation, isn’t it? Continue reading “The Power of Personal Development”

Posted in Family

Pregnancy After Miscarriage: All The Feels

I’ve taken a little hiatus over the past 4 months.  I’m back now and hitting you hard with the heavy stuff.  Thank you all for your patience and the space and grace to allow me to focus on other things for a while.

As many of you know, I had a miscarriage at the end of 2018.  It was very difficult for me, as it is for any woman.  I had never known how isolating it could be until I experienced it myself.  Even with knowing so many others who went through it and having a caring husband who also felt pain around it, it is still a very lonely experience.  However, I shared my story and hopefully helped ease some of the heartache that another woman has had involving a miscarriage.  I was able to work through it and not let it stop me from trying again. Continue reading “Pregnancy After Miscarriage: All The Feels”

Posted in Family, Goals

5 Skills You Acquire When You’re A Parent

When you first become a parent, it can be hard to feel like you’re winning at this whole thing.  No matter how much you prepare for this role, there will always be curve balls (or pee streams) thrown your way.  There’s no way to be prepared for that first blowout diaper.  It can be easy to get overwhelmed and feel like you’re flailing about in parenthood hoping for the best.  But, I’d like to take a moment to highlight the positive things you gain after becoming a parent.  Most of these skills come about as a necessity, but man they sure are valuable.  Here they are:  Continue reading “5 Skills You Acquire When You’re A Parent”

Posted in advice, Family

5 Things Every New Mom Should Know

When I look back on my early motherhood, I mostly remember that time fondly.  However, I also realize that there are many things that I know now that I wish I would’ve known then.  So, I thought maybe I should write a blog post about it in hopes of helping some new mothers out there who may be frantically searching for any and all advice they can get like I was as a new mom.  I just didn’t want to mess anything up.  I am responsible for a human life now and that is a responsibility that I do NOT take lightly.  There were definitely beliefs that I had that I held onto for too long and it took away some of my joy in that first month of my son’s life.  Hopefully, I can help prevent that for others. Continue reading “5 Things Every New Mom Should Know”

Posted in Family, self worth

How To Deal With Mom Guilt

Mom guilt is a b*tch.  There, I said it.  I don’t know of a single mother that has not experienced mom guilt at some point or another.  It can be consuming and overwhelming.  I can’t even tell you how guilty I felt that I couldn’t breast feed my son past 4 months.  I just couldn’t produce enough milk for him no matter what I did to try to improve that.  I had to supplement with formula since he was a newborn because otherwise he would be underfed.  I can recall more than one instance when I revealed that I supplemented with formula or had gone to formula-only feeding and got the side-eye from someone nearby.  Some people would even start to list the reasons I should’ve kept with it and tried that 6th lactation consultant or that miracle supplement that would produce milk but compromise my health.  On top of that, I was feeling like a failure because I couldn’t sustain my child naturally.  Everything around me seemed to constantly remind me that “breast is best” and it was a very difficult time, to say the least.  Like I said, mom guilt is a b*tch. Continue reading “How To Deal With Mom Guilt”

Posted in advice, Family, Goals, Momentum

3 Ways Becoming A Parent Helped Me Deal With Perfectionism

Perfectionism has its good qualities.  Your work is always done very well.  You have a great attention to detail and you always strive to do your best.  Also, the people-pleasing aspect is great for those around us as we will always drop everything to help them or otherwise make them happy.  If we aren’t careful though, perfectionism can really get in our ways sometimes.  Completing tasks can become a longer process for a perfectionist because they get hung up on the minute details.  Perfectionists also experience “analysis paralysis” when trying to make decisions during projects and often find themselves unable to do so for fear of it not being perfect.  Perfectionism also hinders our enjoyment of the day to day.  We over analyze things and have a difficult time letting things go, even if they do not matter in the long run. Perfectionists also often project their ridiculous expectations of themselves unto others making those around them unable to measure up. As you can imagine, this affects relationships and can leave a perfectionist feeling isolated or misunderstood. Continue reading “3 Ways Becoming A Parent Helped Me Deal With Perfectionism”