When I learned I was becoming a mom for the first time, I was fully prepared to lose myself to motherhood. Motherhood was something I always aspired to. That was a major life goal of mine. I was under the assumption that my full identity would be wrapped up in who I was as a parent. I would put all my dreams and goals on hold until my children were old enough to start being self-sufficient and then I’d figure out who I was as a person. As time went on, I was feeling stuck. I loved being a mother and wouldn’t trade it for anything. However, I wasn’t as fulfilled as I thought I would be. I went complete 50’s housewife there for a moment and boy am I glad we live in a day and age where that’s optional and not necessarily expected. I was still working part-time from home but felt I needed to handle all of the things because my husband obviously wasn’t capable. [Insert facepalm] It’s crazy what kinds of stories we make up about our situation, isn’t it?
Finding personal development has made a huge difference for me. I started listening to podcasts because I heard it was a great thing to do while you clean. Side note: Listening to podcasts is a great thing to do when you’re cleaning or doing other mundane tasks. I stumbled upon The Shameless Mom Academy podcast and it was an absolute game changer for me. I wasn’t seeking a personal development podcast at the time, but if there’s one to stumble upon, this is the best one I could have. I’d always thought that personal development was for people who were lost or broken or needed help adulting. Turns out it’s just an opportunity to get your mind thinking differently and opening yourself up to new perspectives. Personal development is seeking the best version of yourself continuously. There was a better way to live my life than what I thought I was destined to. Who would have thought?
The journey I’ve taken to self discovery has been very exciting for me. Even before losing myself to motherhood and wifely duties, I had a fixed mindset around a lot of things. I want to share some of my biggest lessons learned since discovering personal development.
Adopting a growth mindset can definitely change your life. Many people are stuck in a fixed mindset. A fixed mindset is comprised of self-limiting beliefs. Those with a fixed mindset let failure become their limit instead of an opportunity to grow. They also feel that talents and abilities are something you’re born with. A growth mindset sees a learning opportunity in failure and setbacks. A growth mindset knows that you have to work hard to achieve success and it doesn’t come naturally. Adopting a growth mindset has allowed me to see myself doing bigger things than I ever thought was possible. Instead of “why me?” I can now say “why not me?” and that alone has been a game-changer in my life.
The power of self care and advocacy
Learning to take care of myself has been oddly empowering. Knowing that I can’t pour from an empty cup helps me to know that taking care of myself is both important and necessary, not indulgent or selfish. My family, co-workers, and friends rely on me for a lot of things. I want to be able to show up as my best self for them and be there when they need me, without being resentful. Loving myself and being able to not only know my needs, but also communicate them to others around me has allowed me to not lose myself in the chaos that can sometimes be my life. Plus, teaching others around me how I want to be loved and setting boundaries has been crucial to me living my best life and has improved my closest relationships greatly.
Other people can and want to support you
I’ve learned that it’s actually good to ask for help. It doesn’t mean you’re a failure or you’re not trying hard enough. As mothers, we often carry the weight of the world on our shoulders and think we need to do all the things. Learning how to delegate, outsource, and get creative to take things off my plate has allowed me to add things to my plate that I want to do. Plus, when you ask people for help, usually you’re met with an enthusiastic or at least very willing “yes!”. People are more than happy to help you. It makes them feel good too, just like it makes you feel good to help others. So, let them help. Share your goals/passions/dreams and let them cheer you on as you work to achieve them.
No one is paying attention to you
This one sounds harsher than I mean it to. But, it’s true. Those other moms at the playgroup that you think are judging your way of parenting aren’t thinking about you as much as you may think. Those people in the grocery store that give you a second look when you’re wearing that dress that makes you feel good but others might think is a little too revealing aren’t going to still be thinking about you in an hour. There are always people that are going to try to belittle you or drag you down because you’re trying to rise up. That’s because they are unhappy in their own lives or are struggling in whatever area you are feeling confident in so they’re projecting their own insecurities your way. Try to let it roll off your back and remind yourself that they’ll forget about it in a few minutes, hours, or weeks. Keep being you because other people are generally more worried about their own lives than what you’re doing with yours.
Affirmations aren’t as “woo woo” as I thought
When I was first told about affirmations, I thought it was a load of you-know-what. Affirmations are statements you make about your future as if they have already happened. A few examples: “I bring in $10,000 in take-home pay each month”, “I always fly first class”, “I have date night with my partner every single week”. The idea is that by repeating these affirmations on either a daily or a weekly basis, you train your unconscious mind to help you work on these goals and believe they are possible. This subtle messaging actually can help make your dreams happen. That’s why everyone tells you to talk about your dreams and goals as much as possible to help make them a reality, in conjunction with actually doing the work, of course. By training your subconscious mind to think in this way, it helps you to believe that these things are possible for you and can help you kick those self-limiting beliefs to the curb because they will pop up. They do for everyone. It’s all about being able to re-frame and re-set these thoughts.
Personal development is something I plan to work on for the rest of my life. I always like to be improving, while still appreciating the beauty of the present. So, if you haven’t looked into it before, I highly recommend you find something in the personal development space that speaks to you. Who knows what kind of opportunities you could have waiting for you with just a little help changing your mindset.
Much love and productive vibes,
Momma Caped Nerd ❤
How has personal development helped you? What are some of your favorite resources? Help out my readers and leave a comment below!
If you have questions or suggestions, please share by visiting my Contact page. I’d love to hear from you!