Category: Family

Posted in Family, Goals, Leadership

Working Against Racism – 5 Resources to Help You Become an Antiracist

Posted on by CapedNerdMomma

Let me start by saying that I am a white woman that grew up in the Midwest, in an area that was predominantly white. So, I am NOT the ideal person to be teaching on racism. Without even knowing what was happening, I’ve been brainwashed into subconscious inherent racism. This is the unfortunate case for many white people in America. Decades of systemic racism has led us to believe that people of color are inferior. So what do we do?

Well, we start the work of becoming an anti-racist. According to Ibram X Kendi, historian and author of the New York Times bestseller, “How to be an Antiracist”, an anti-racist is someone who is willing to admit when they are being racist and willing to recognize the inequities and problems in our society. There is so much unlearning to be done. Beyond the work we all need to do on ourselves, we also need to be intervening in the systemic racism brought upon our younger generations. The earlier we can teach them to be antiracists, the sooner change can be effected within out society as a whole. This job is a tall order, but we all need to be doing it, not only in the month of February to honor Black History Month, but on an ongoing basis over the course of many years. After all, for most of us, the systemic racism has been ingrained in us over many years, so it will take at least that much time to reverse it.

Continue reading “Working Against Racism – 5 Resources to Help You Become an Antiracist” →
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Posted in advice, Family, Gender, Leadership, self worth

5 Ways to Actively Renounce Gender Norms In Your Household

Posted on by CapedNerdMomma

As a child, I was a complete tomboy. My best friend was a boy who loved hockey, getting dirty, and riding bikes. This was the 90’s so we were able to run amok in our neighborhood with relative “safety”. We climbed trees, played hockey, rallied the neighborhood children for kickball, and caught all the little critters we could. To childhood me, boys were the coolest and got to do the coolest things. They got to run around with their shirt off when it was hot out. They could pee outside since they could do it standing up and didn’t need to wipe. They also were allowed to have short enough hair to get away with not combing it. I wanted to be just like the boys, because they had it good.

My parents were very neutral about my experimenting with “boy” traits. I got my hair cut short, wore what I’d now call gender-neutral clothing, and even tried peeing standing up for a while (not sure if my parents knew about that one.. – Sorry, Mom. I’m guessing there were messes). I distinctly remember an incident when my family went out to eat at a local diner. I decided to “dress up”, wearing black pants, a collared, long-sleeved shirt, and a blue button-up vest. I had my short hair slicked back and slightly parted to the side and I was looking good. While we were finishing our food, it was time to order ice cream. The waiter asked my mom, “And what would your son like?”, referring to me. My mom corrected him and he apologized. I told him it was OK and internally I was beaming with excitement. What an honor to be called a boy. After all, they were the coolest.

Continue reading “5 Ways to Actively Renounce Gender Norms In Your Household” →
Posted in advice, Family, Leadership, self worth, women

3 Reasons You Should Ask For What You Need

Posted on by CapedNerdMomma

As I was adjusting to being a mother of 2, I found myself frustrated, anxious and feeling like something was missing. Of course, I had 2 beautiful, healthy children, a great husband, and supportive friends and family. Even during a pandemic, I still felt supported by friends and family. (Thank you social media, internet, and delivery services!) Yet still, I was feeling discontented. There’s nothing like that initial post partum period to send you reeling back to a person who gives and gives to others, leaving nothing for yourself. Especially when there are two needy littles. It seemed like my cup couldn’t ever get filled back up.

Finally I realized what was missing. I wasn’t making time for me. Face palm moment! When Patsy was a newborn, of course it makes sense that I wouldn’t have a whole lot of time for me. But now that she’s over a year old, it’s easier to think a little more clearly. I’m able to recognize what I’m needing. I am the type of person that needs a certain amount of time to themselves to get their energy. I just wasn’t getting that. I was going through the motions, taking care of what needed to get taken care of, and not investing in myself like I had begun to do on a regular basis over the past couple of years.

Continue reading “3 Reasons You Should Ask For What You Need” →
Posted in advice, Family, women

Embracing The Chaos

Posted on by CapedNerdMomma

Over the past several months, I’ve been mentally preparing for having two children.  I’ve seen the havoc that has descended upon a few of my friends’ households as they’ve welcomed a second child into their lives.  Those first few months are crazy-town! 

This is especially true when the existing child is still a toddler and still needs so much from their parents.  Newborn Land has it’s own sleep-deprived kind of crazy. Adding to that a toddler adjusting to HUGE changes and likely getting thrown off of their routine helps to propel the whole situation into straight up chaos.  Do you know what’s difficult for perfectionist-type personalities such as mine?  Chaos.

So, I’ve been in total preparation mode the last few days as the reality that my baby girl will be here within a few short weeks has been setting in.  Action alleviates anxiety right?  So, I’ve been getting all of her clothes washed and put away.  I’ve prepared the changing table and bassinet.  I’m constantly imagining every “what if” scenario my brain can muster – which is way too many, and part of why I’ve been up since 3:30 this morning. I’m trying to get everything in my home as prepared and “easy to access” as possible.  As I’ve been busying myself with these things, it’s occurred to me that maybe I’m overthinking all of this.  Many people have survived having two children, or more under age 3.  It’s going to be OK.

I will continue prepping my home and brain for the arrival of our second child.  However, I’m also learning to embrace the chaos in various situations.  Through working on my perfectionistic self and tendencies, I’ve learned that you can’t control everything and it’s exhausting to feel like you should.  So, I keep reminding myself to give myself space and grace to get through the things.  I know that this next season will be difficult, but it will also be magical.  My house will be a mess much of the time and my toddler is probably going to have some issues adjusting.  But, if I get all caught up in my need to control instead of just embracing what is, I’m going to miss all of the little magical moments that will also happen during this time.  I can get over not having a 100% clean home.  I can’t get over missing out on important moments, milestones, and the beauty of watching my children grow.

As I move through this time of embracing the chaos, I will remind myself of these three things:

1. I am strong, adaptable, and resilient

I have been through chaotic times before and made it through just fine.  I am actually quite good at adapting to a new situation and finding ways to make whatever kind of situation I end up in comfortable.  So, I know I can do hard things and make it through to the other side.  Everything is able to be figured out.  Every situation can be navigated.  If people can survive huge life traumas, I can survive this transition time in our lives.

2. Keep moving forward

As I’m navigating figuring out the new dynamics of my family life, I will remember to keep moving forward.

3. Be grateful

I will choose to see the blessings I have. I will take notice of the little things that I’m most grateful for beyond the obvious (like coffee!). I am blessed to have the family, health, love, support and comfort I have.

Bring it on chaos! I’m ready for you.

Posted in advice, Family, Goals

3 Ways To Motivate Yourself To Get Stuff Done

Posted on by CapedNerdMomma

If you’re anything like me, you love to procrastinate.  The couch and Netflix calls your name and you willingly answer, putting off those chores or other tasks that need to get done, but don’t need to get done right this instant.  Then, by the end of the week, you’re hustling to get caught up and wonder how you got so far behind.  Personally, my mind likes to rationalize that chilling on the couch and watching Netflix when I get a free moment counts as self-care.  I mean, it’s slightly true, but it also isn’t really helping me beyond getting to sit down and rest my body for a while.  Especially being a month away from my due date, sitting or napping are high on the priority list because this momma is tired! Continue reading “3 Ways To Motivate Yourself To Get Stuff Done” →

Posted in Family, Leadership, self worth, women

An Open Letter To Women

Posted on by CapedNerdMomma

To all the mothers, sisters, wives, single ladies, step-sisters, sister-in-laws, and female identifying beings. You are exactly who make the world go round.  You are brave. You are fierce.  Your intelligence knows no bounds.  You are the silent leaders of this world and you deserve so much more.  Know your worth and realize that you make an impact whether it’s recognized or not.  Continue reading “An Open Letter To Women” →

Posted in advice, Family, Goals, Leadership

The Power of Personal Development

Posted on by CapedNerdMomma

When I learned I was becoming a mom for the first time, I was fully prepared to lose myself to motherhood.  Motherhood was something I always aspired to.  That was a major life goal of mine.  I was under the assumption that my full identity would be wrapped up in who I was as a parent.  I would put all my dreams and goals on hold until my children were old enough to start being self-sufficient and then I’d figure out who I was as a person.  As time went on, I was feeling stuck.  I loved being a mother and wouldn’t trade it for anything.  However, I wasn’t as fulfilled as I thought I would be.  I went complete 50’s housewife there for a moment and boy am I glad we live in a day and age where that’s optional and not necessarily expected.  I was still working part-time from home but felt I needed to handle all of the things because my husband obviously wasn’t capable.  [Insert facepalm] It’s crazy what kinds of stories we make up about our situation, isn’t it? Continue reading “The Power of Personal Development” →

Posted in Family

Pregnancy After Miscarriage: All The Feels

Posted on by CapedNerdMomma

I’ve taken a little hiatus over the past 4 months.  I’m back now and hitting you hard with the heavy stuff.  Thank you all for your patience and the space and grace to allow me to focus on other things for a while.

As many of you know, I had a miscarriage at the end of 2018.  It was very difficult for me, as it is for any woman.  I had never known how isolating it could be until I experienced it myself.  Even with knowing so many others who went through it and having a caring husband who also felt pain around it, it is still a very lonely experience.  However, I shared my story and hopefully helped ease some of the heartache that another woman has had involving a miscarriage.  I was able to work through it and not let it stop me from trying again. Continue reading “Pregnancy After Miscarriage: All The Feels” →

Posted in Family, Goals

5 Skills You Acquire When You’re A Parent

Posted on by CapedNerdMomma

When you first become a parent, it can be hard to feel like you’re winning at this whole thing.  No matter how much you prepare for this role, there will always be curve balls (or pee streams) thrown your way.  There’s no way to be prepared for that first blowout diaper.  It can be easy to get overwhelmed and feel like you’re flailing about in parenthood hoping for the best.  But, I’d like to take a moment to highlight the positive things you gain after becoming a parent.  Most of these skills come about as a necessity, but man they sure are valuable.  Here they are:  Continue reading “5 Skills You Acquire When You’re A Parent” →

Posted in advice, Family, Goals, self worth

5 Tips To Get Out Of A Rut

Posted on by CapedNerdMomma

It can be easy to get stuck in a rut as a parent.  Especially in early parenting when you feel like you’re drowning in toddler tantrums and stickiness EVERYWHERE.  Seriously, why are they always so sticky?  Anyways, I’ve found myself in a rut recently.  I’m not inspired in my job.  I have no motivation to pursue my goals and I feel like I’m just treading water.  My child is so wonderful and I love him to pieces, but he’s also in a very needy stage and testing boundaries.  The constant correcting and boundary establishment feels entirely draining.  It’s all normal and appropriate to his development, but damn it’s exhausting! Continue reading “5 Tips To Get Out Of A Rut” →