Posted in advice, Family, women

Embracing The Chaos

Over the past several months, I’ve been mentally preparing for having two children.  I’ve seen the havoc that has descended upon a few of my friends’ households as they’ve welcomed a second child into their lives.  Those first few months are crazy-town! 


This is especially true when the existing child is still a toddler and still needs so much from their parents.  Newborn Land has it’s own sleep-deprived kind of crazy. Adding to that a toddler adjusting to HUGE changes and likely getting thrown off of their routine helps to propel the whole situation into straight up chaos.  Do you know what’s difficult for perfectionist-type personalities such as mine?  Chaos.

So, I’ve been in total preparation mode the last few days as the reality that my baby girl will be here within a few short weeks has been setting in.  Action alleviates anxiety right?  So, I’ve been getting all of her clothes washed and put away.  I’ve prepared the changing table and bassinet.  I’m constantly imagining every “what if” scenario my brain can muster – which is way too many, and part of why I’ve been up since 3:30 this morning. I’m trying to get everything in my home as prepared and “easy to access” as possible.  As I’ve been busying myself with these things, it’s occurred to me that maybe I’m overthinking all of this.  Many people have survived having two children, or more under age 3.  It’s going to be OK.

I will continue prepping my home and brain for the arrival of our second child.  However, I’m also learning to embrace the chaos in various situations.  Through working on my perfectionistic self and tendencies, I’ve learned that you can’t control everything and it’s exhausting to feel like you should.  So, I keep reminding myself to give myself space and grace to get through the things.  I know that this next season will be difficult, but it will also be magical.  My house will be a mess much of the time and my toddler is probably going to have some issues adjusting.  But, if I get all caught up in my need to control instead of just embracing what is, I’m going to miss all of the little magical moments that will also happen during this time.  I can get over not having a 100% clean home.  I can’t get over missing out on important moments, milestones, and the beauty of watching my children grow.

As I move through this time of embracing the chaos, I will remind myself of these three things:

1. I am strong, adaptable, and resilient

I have been through chaotic times before and made it through just fine.  I am actually quite good at adapting to a new situation and finding ways to make whatever kind of situation I end up in comfortable.  So, I know I can do hard things and make it through to the other side.  Everything is able to be figured out.  Every situation can be navigated.  If people can survive huge life traumas, I can survive this transition time in our lives.

2. Keep moving forward

As I’m navigating figuring out the new dynamics of my family life, I will remember to keep moving forward.

3. Be grateful

I will choose to see the blessings I have. I will take notice of the little things that I’m most grateful for beyond the obvious (like coffee!). I am blessed to have the family, health, love, support and comfort I have.

Bring it on chaos! I’m ready for you.

Posted in Family, self worth

How To Deal With Mom Guilt

Mom guilt is a b*tch.  There, I said it.  I don’t know of a single mother that has not experienced mom guilt at some point or another.  It can be consuming and overwhelming.  I can’t even tell you how guilty I felt that I couldn’t breast feed my son past 4 months.  I just couldn’t produce enough milk for him no matter what I did to try to improve that.  I had to supplement with formula since he was a newborn because otherwise he would be underfed.  I can recall more than one instance when I revealed that I supplemented with formula or had gone to formula-only feeding and got the side-eye from someone nearby.  Some people would even start to list the reasons I should’ve kept with it and tried that 6th lactation consultant or that miracle supplement that would produce milk but compromise my health.  On top of that, I was feeling like a failure because I couldn’t sustain my child naturally.  Everything around me seemed to constantly remind me that “breast is best” and it was a very difficult time, to say the least.  Like I said, mom guilt is a b*tch. Continue reading “How To Deal With Mom Guilt”

Posted in advice, Family, Goals, self worth

How To Avoid the Comparison Trap

Social media has become one of the most prevalent parts of our society.  We are addicted to it.  We have to develop apps to force us to be off of it and actually enjoy our families from time to time.  Social media is a great way to stay connected, but it can also be damaging to your feelings of success in your life.  Have you ever noticed that people’s lives on social media seem so perfect?  Everyone is getting married, having babies, climbing mountains, biking cross-country, running marathons, or starting businesses.  Meanwhile, I’m over here just trying to have a clean house, get my work done, and keep my kid happy and healthy.  It can certainly feel like everyone is living their best life except you. Continue reading “How To Avoid the Comparison Trap”

Posted in advice, Family, Goals, Momentum

3 Ways Becoming A Parent Helped Me Deal With Perfectionism

Perfectionism has its good qualities.  Your work is always done very well.  You have a great attention to detail and you always strive to do your best.  Also, the people-pleasing aspect is great for those around us as we will always drop everything to help them or otherwise make them happy.  If we aren’t careful though, perfectionism can really get in our ways sometimes.  Completing tasks can become a longer process for a perfectionist because they get hung up on the minute details.  Perfectionists also experience “analysis paralysis” when trying to make decisions during projects and often find themselves unable to do so for fear of it not being perfect.  Perfectionism also hinders our enjoyment of the day to day.  We over analyze things and have a difficult time letting things go, even if they do not matter in the long run. Perfectionists also often project their ridiculous expectations of themselves unto others making those around them unable to measure up. As you can imagine, this affects relationships and can leave a perfectionist feeling isolated or misunderstood. Continue reading “3 Ways Becoming A Parent Helped Me Deal With Perfectionism”

Posted in advice, Family, Goals, Momentum, self worth

5 Tips To Help You Let Things Go

Every single one of us have things that we have a hard time letting go.  We have heartbreaks, betrayal, insecurities, and fears.  Sometimes we can let things roll off our back.  Other times, we have a harder time letting things go, especially when you had it planned all out in your head and it didn’t go that way at all.  We get resentful when our spouse isn’t helping around the house or seems blind to the clutter in the living room.  We feel hurt when our friends go out and forget to invite us.  We have guilt when we are asked to do something and have to refuse because we are too tired, double-booked ourselves, or we feel we’ve disappointed someone. Continue reading “5 Tips To Help You Let Things Go”

Posted in Family, self worth

Anxiety is a B*tch

Many of you may not know this about me, but I deal with anxiety on a regular basis.  I have been able to control my anxiety at a good level for the most part with healthy habits and so far have not had a need to medicate for it.  In the grand scheme of anxiety sufferers, I would say that I’m a mid to low-level anxiety sufferer.  Recently, I had a terrible anxiety attack over something totally made up in my head.  It’s a little embarrassing to share here, as I feel quite silly after the fact.  However, I feel I should so anyone who deals with something similar can feel less alone.  Continue reading “Anxiety is a B*tch”